I was at Fajar today stalking through the racks of clothes, mildly interested. There weren't many people in the store, as usual, save two Malay ladies in the vicinity. SARdenly only one of them waved her arm at me, beckoning. I stared bewildered back at her and approached hesitantly. You never know she might be from one of those child kidnapping syndicates yannow, hey it *could* happen. =) When I got close enough, she thrust this white shirt at me saying, "Excuse me, ini sudah less ke?"

I'm like WHAT?! Do I even look like a salesperson to you?! I did a quick mental check on my attire. Black slacks. White Club Med tee. Loafers. Most unassuming, and mOSt unsalespersony. I was grumbling in my head. She was still looking at me expectantly. Oh yes, really, I mean we're having a closing down sale and everything is 80% off and in fact that white shirt you're brandishing at me there is one of our free giveaways specially for our most valued customers like you!

Like, yeah right. Instead I muttered out a barely discernible "Um. I dunno." and quickly shuffled away. And she STILL didn't realize what was wrong. As I looked out of the corner of my eye for her reaction, I caught her exchanging glances with her mate, the kind that says "They really should employ salespersons with less of an attitude problem man..."

Oh well. =)

my day in dot points

Went out for lunch with Grace, JS and CY today...as wacky as ever, the three of them. How I miss their company. =)

Big thanks to Connie and Rach for the stay at their homes, the plane letters and for seeing me off at Flinders. I love y'all.

Finally got the codecs to make ex0's Meet Joe Black work. Was watching the show rapturously. *sighs dreamily* Brad Pitt...

Played badminton this evening, I am the undisputed champion, bwahahah! My bro's ego has to be deflated now and then, he thinks he's so good at it. Heh. Heh. Heh.

Dinner tonight is going to be awesome! Mom's cooking seafood...mmmm.

Hopefully there's time to go to the pasar malam too tonight. I haven't been in ages and I really want to get some DVDs this time.

reconciliations

My mom and I went out shopping today. And we rested, finally, on one topic which I had wanted so much for so long to talk to my parents about. I guess it was brought on by their finding out of my brother's love interest/girlfriend thing, especially when he's only 13. I was half waiting, half expecting for her to bring this up.

So what? I said. I like it. It's interesting, it's exciting to see him growing up and starting to go through all these new experiences. I not only agree with it, I ENDORSE it. But he's only 13, came the defense, followed by a well-worn lecture I've heard so many times before.

Click.

That was the sound of a torrent of words unlocking itself. Words that I have been wanting to say for so long, rehearsed innumerable times, played at the tip of my tongue, but inevitably disappearing back again into the recesses of my mind because I was too afraid to say them.

I have tried so long to make them see my point of view. I can't blame them. It has been ingrained so deeply into them to educate me on the evils of being in a relationship, how it would ruin your life, your studies, your future if you get involved when you're only in secondary school, only because they grew up the way they did and lived in the society they lived in, thinking the mindset that was so much a part of their lives. It's not completely their fault.

I had long predicted the outcome of events. And I've seen it before, mirrored in my friends' lives. The eldest child gets the strictest rules, the overprotection and the restrictions but slowly, as the years wear on, and your other younger children start growing up and going through the same thing, you grow more lenient and more open minded. Simply because you've been through it before and now you know better what to do and how to handle it. I guess it's a learning process for both parties, and the strictness was just something that I had to go through, that came as part of the job description of being the oldest kid in the family. Always the first, always the guinea pig. Huh.

I see how lenient they've become with my brother and my sister, and the little gnome of immaturity that still resides in me thrashes about indignantly, screaming, it's not fair not fair not fair. But life's never fair anyway. But I only feel that way for awhile. It's more of, I really should be feeling unsatisfied because they're having an easier time and I had to go through hell over the same issues, but I wouldn't wish the same upon them. I mean, it's great, it's happyfying ^^ that my mom has finally reached the pivotal point which would give my siblings the teenage years and more importantly, the relationship with my parents that I dreamt about, but never enjoyed.

They know now, they admit now that it's not going to do any good if you keep fighting against relationships. The only outcome from that in my life is that you drive your child further away. You say I'm cold, and I'm not affectionate and I'm this blistering streak of independence in the sense that I don't need you to be around for me, but think back a little bit. If at any point before, I needed or wanted help, I couldn't turn to you.

I had to do things behind a mask of lies and deception, playing with you a treacherous game of hide-and-seek. Only, I was hoping feverishly you'd never find out. And when you did find out in the end...oh god. Those are memories I never want to revisit. I was terrified to death, thinking how doomed and dead and buried I was, and my imagination started to entertain all sorts of possibilities to get out of it. More lies? A raw confession? A discussion? A plea? Escape? There was never a happy ending. Only more lies. Lies I'm still living in.

My mom came into my room just now, and for the first time, she said, "I'm sorry." And admitted that sometimes, when she thought about it, she realized that she'd been treating my siblings a lot more leniently than she had with me, and that made her sad and wish that she hadn't been so harsh and strict the last time.

I could hardly believe my ears. I just sat at my desk, staring unblinkingly at my laptop.

And then.

It was like a 5 year feud (which festered more badly in the last two years) being dissolved in that little moment in time. The reconciliation that I had been waiting for came to us at last, and I started crying. Mom hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, sobbing herself, but I stoned, as I have always done. I'm not used to any show of affection with my mom, and I always cringed whenever she would hug me. Shrinking away, pushing away, adding one more brick to that wall between us. It's wrong I know. I suppose I should try harder to love my mom like a daughter should. I suppose really deep down inside I do, just that I don't show it...

Either way, I apologized too. For my behaviour, for the times where I must have came across as rude or uncompromising or cold or anything. But when it was done, it was a load off my back. Our backs, I'd think. It's no walk in the park having a stormy relationship with anyone you live in the same house with, especially if it's your mom.

I'm glad it's over now. We don't talk about it nor make any reference to our half a day of heated and emotional 'discussions'. But maybe, hopefully, my mom and I have finally arrived at the clear after the storm.

GSV Championship Carnival

We won we won we won we won!!! I'm so excited. I'm tempted to say for the first time ever, but I'm not really sure. But in a long while I think, we haven't won Athletics. And today, we did it! Beat 7 other schools to emerge as overall champions by just a hair's breadth.

Today was also the proudest, happiest, most fantastic day I've ever had in a long, long while. I was in 6 events, with the last one being triple jump. I have never done triple jump in my entire life but for want of a representative in that event, they put me in. Under reasoning that I was a long jumper and it's all jumping anyway. I didn't really expect to go very far with triple, having only learnt the proper steps to it this very morning.

But joy oh joy! I discovered I COULD do it, and well too. And proceeded to beat everyone else flat with a distance of 9.65m. It was really hyped up cause the field events were running late and triple was the last event on the list. Everyone else was packing up and bracing themselves for the announcement of the final tally. Even the team captains from each school were assembling on the track with respective school banners. (Ours said 'GO PLC!' and was kinda embarassing, but yeah.) So there was a lot of attention on us remaining athletes. It was really cool to have so many people cheering and watching you. And when the announcement came that the final event (meaning the triple jump) would be the determining factor in who wins the championship, it just added more drama to the whole thing.

I could hardly contain my excitment and joy every time I got my jump measured, three in total, cause it increased sorta exponentially. 8.23m, 8.97m and finally, my gloriest moment, 9.65m. I was so, so happy, oh my god. The PE staff were thrilled to bits as well and laughing gleefully.

Finally, they announced the standings, starting from 8th place. When this blared over the microphone, "In second place, St. Catherine's", we just screamed our lungs out and hugged and jumped and clapped and cheered, our unbridled joy erupting and reverberating off the stands, knowing that, there was only one school left for 1st place. And it was us.

What made it the most momentous occasion was that we were celebrating as a team, a huge team at that, and that happiness was simply magnified tens of times over among us. Victory tastes so much sweeter shared. The championship carnival marked the end of a fantastic athletics season, through which I've made so many new friends, and you just gotta admit, this was one heck of a finale.