The Next Step
You try to convince yourself to be tough, but when the inevitable time comes for friends to say goodbye, all your defenses come crashing down, and you don’t care anymore that the tears are flowing freely from your face, you don’t care anymore if they see you cry, because there is nothing else you can do. You try to speak, your voice comes out in cracks and whispers, and you know the second you try to say something, it’s just going to make you cry even harder. So you keep quiet, you bite your quivering lip. Yet you’re bursting to tell them how much they mean to you, how much you’re going to miss them. You try to stop the tears from flowing, but they come anyway. All your fumbling attempts at maintaining composure breaks and you turn into a sobbing, sniffling wreck.
That was how it was. It was a crazy emotional day, one minute I’m laughing my head off, the next minute I’m fighting back tears. I’ve spent all the weeks leading up till Tuesday, my last day at school, fending off all thoughts of departure. Cause if I don’t think about it, I manage to hold out a little longer. I won’t deny that I’m a little afraid, afraid of what the coming days might be like. After all, I’m about to completely uproot myself after four years in this comfortable cocoon surrounded by familiar faces and places. I’m sure I’ll be able to adapt to life in PLC, but for the moment, I’ve to get over leaving my secondary life here in Malaysia. Let me mourn a little, dwell on it a little, then, a short while later, I'll move on. There’s a bit of regret that I have to leave prematurely, especially when everything is running so smoothly. I try to put things in perspective, you know the “Yeah, so I’m just leaving three quarters of a year earlier than everyone else. Big deal.” But the other side of me argues constantly that in this case, being the only one leaving, compared to graduating and leaving the school along with everyone else, the former never fails to seem more formidable. Like they say, you find safety and comfort in numbers.
…Life’s like a flight of stairs. You start at the bottom, and slowly make your way up, one step at a time. Along the way you’d encounter all sorts of challenges, maybe a missed step, a loose board, and sometimes, you even trip and tumble a little way down, and pick yourself up and re-start the climb: a second chance. On and on you go, until at last, after a long and fulfilling ascent, you lift your weary foot one last time – and arrive at the gates of heaven.
For me, well I’ve barely even mounted a quarter of the steps. But where I am now, it just seems so hard to raise my leaden foot to make that next step. Not because I’m tired, but perhaps it is a mixture of doubt and worry and trepidation that makes me hesitate. That is, only until I remember, I’m on a staircase, and if I don’t continue up to the rest of the steps waiting for me above, the only other way is down.
…Life’s like a flight of stairs, a one-way ticket with no return. There is only forward.
Hence forward I shall go. =)
That was how it was. It was a crazy emotional day, one minute I’m laughing my head off, the next minute I’m fighting back tears. I’ve spent all the weeks leading up till Tuesday, my last day at school, fending off all thoughts of departure. Cause if I don’t think about it, I manage to hold out a little longer. I won’t deny that I’m a little afraid, afraid of what the coming days might be like. After all, I’m about to completely uproot myself after four years in this comfortable cocoon surrounded by familiar faces and places. I’m sure I’ll be able to adapt to life in PLC, but for the moment, I’ve to get over leaving my secondary life here in Malaysia. Let me mourn a little, dwell on it a little, then, a short while later, I'll move on. There’s a bit of regret that I have to leave prematurely, especially when everything is running so smoothly. I try to put things in perspective, you know the “Yeah, so I’m just leaving three quarters of a year earlier than everyone else. Big deal.” But the other side of me argues constantly that in this case, being the only one leaving, compared to graduating and leaving the school along with everyone else, the former never fails to seem more formidable. Like they say, you find safety and comfort in numbers.
…Life’s like a flight of stairs. You start at the bottom, and slowly make your way up, one step at a time. Along the way you’d encounter all sorts of challenges, maybe a missed step, a loose board, and sometimes, you even trip and tumble a little way down, and pick yourself up and re-start the climb: a second chance. On and on you go, until at last, after a long and fulfilling ascent, you lift your weary foot one last time – and arrive at the gates of heaven.
For me, well I’ve barely even mounted a quarter of the steps. But where I am now, it just seems so hard to raise my leaden foot to make that next step. Not because I’m tired, but perhaps it is a mixture of doubt and worry and trepidation that makes me hesitate. That is, only until I remember, I’m on a staircase, and if I don’t continue up to the rest of the steps waiting for me above, the only other way is down.
…Life’s like a flight of stairs, a one-way ticket with no return. There is only forward.
Hence forward I shall go. =)
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