I'm typing this as Satriani's Love Thing plays in the background...ex0dus!!! Look what you've done, I haven't stopped listening to this amazing song since yesterday...what business have you huh? To barge into my life, give me this song and render me incapable of doing anything else. You shall pay. }:-)
On a different note, I can't believe I've grown to love school so much. Perhaps it is the impending departure that lends a hint of poignancy to everything I do at school, perhaps it is the thought that I haven't many days left in CHS that makes me appreciate it more, perhaps...I don't know. I've come to enjoy little, little things, doing homework even. (Except Chinese Homework of course, that one, even if I'm bound leave for Alaska and never come back, I'll still feel the same way about Chinese HW - "Ugh." ) And rushing to get to the corridor every morning, just for those 10 minutes...I suppose I'm being pretty sentimental. I guess I am such by nature, I wonder whether it's a good thing. Less sentiment makes leaving easier. And since life is so much about a continuous cycle of meeting and parting, overall, it makes living easier too. Less heartache. Well, ultimately, it goes to prove I'm human, that's all, though emotions can be somewhat of a bother occasionally.
(Why does this song magnify so much the melancholic mood that I'm currently iN?! Hurgh, I'll snap out of it soon, don't worry. If not just give me a slap the next time you see me.)
To tell the truth, I can't help having mixed feelings about the school's No-Sport's-Day-this-year decision. Every year, as soon as it's over I'm waiting and waiting with bated breath and a strange sort of impatience for the next one. Thus you can imagine how I felt at the prospect of not being able to participate this 2004. After screwing up last year's with terrible, terrible mistakes of mine, I so badly wanted a chance to redeem myself, in my eyes if not in others. Now, it's apparent that whether I go or not, there won't be a Sport's Day. On one hand, I'm disappointed, just like all the other athletes, but my selfish side heaves a sigh of relief. A kind of sick, twisted relief and consolation that "Right, I can't win it, good that no one else can either." Is it natural? I'm kicking myself for thinking such, it sounds so selfish.
And the school competitions and concerts. I had my heart set on doing something for one of the school functions this year...and Forensics...no, no I don't feel that way about forensics don't worry. Only an overwhelming regret that I won't be able to participate with y'all. It'll be crazy fun, I've had a taste of it, and I'm dying to satiate my yearning for more. But I can't. Can't because of this great barrier that is the ocean. ARRRRRRRRRGH.
I bet if I were to really sit me down and make a list of what I could do if I stay back, those trifles on their own...once crammed together in a list, would give me enough reason not to go. Knowing this much, I haven't made a move to do so, instead I merely entertain the thoughts one at a time, as and when they come to me. I'm sure to others they appear as trifles. Things you can do away with; things you can live without. But it is those particular things that I live for every year and which makes secondary school life sweet. Especially friends. My irrational mind, driven by sentiments, leaves me grasping at straws, grasping to accept the reality that my parents and everyone have been trying to pound into me. That going to Aussie is better than staying back. Is it reality anymore then, or something else?
But of course, what I get out of Aussie depends on what I make of it. And I will make the best of my time there, to make every pocket-burning 3 RM to an AUD worth the while. I will come to enjoy PLC, I know so, just that now, my heart is feeling the painful wrench of someone who's not quite ready to leave.
On a different note, I can't believe I've grown to love school so much. Perhaps it is the impending departure that lends a hint of poignancy to everything I do at school, perhaps it is the thought that I haven't many days left in CHS that makes me appreciate it more, perhaps...I don't know. I've come to enjoy little, little things, doing homework even. (Except Chinese Homework of course, that one, even if I'm bound leave for Alaska and never come back, I'll still feel the same way about Chinese HW - "Ugh." ) And rushing to get to the corridor every morning, just for those 10 minutes...I suppose I'm being pretty sentimental. I guess I am such by nature, I wonder whether it's a good thing. Less sentiment makes leaving easier. And since life is so much about a continuous cycle of meeting and parting, overall, it makes living easier too. Less heartache. Well, ultimately, it goes to prove I'm human, that's all, though emotions can be somewhat of a bother occasionally.
(Why does this song magnify so much the melancholic mood that I'm currently iN?! Hurgh, I'll snap out of it soon, don't worry. If not just give me a slap the next time you see me.)
To tell the truth, I can't help having mixed feelings about the school's No-Sport's-Day-this-year decision. Every year, as soon as it's over I'm waiting and waiting with bated breath and a strange sort of impatience for the next one. Thus you can imagine how I felt at the prospect of not being able to participate this 2004. After screwing up last year's with terrible, terrible mistakes of mine, I so badly wanted a chance to redeem myself, in my eyes if not in others. Now, it's apparent that whether I go or not, there won't be a Sport's Day. On one hand, I'm disappointed, just like all the other athletes, but my selfish side heaves a sigh of relief. A kind of sick, twisted relief and consolation that "Right, I can't win it, good that no one else can either." Is it natural? I'm kicking myself for thinking such, it sounds so selfish.
And the school competitions and concerts. I had my heart set on doing something for one of the school functions this year...and Forensics...no, no I don't feel that way about forensics don't worry. Only an overwhelming regret that I won't be able to participate with y'all. It'll be crazy fun, I've had a taste of it, and I'm dying to satiate my yearning for more. But I can't. Can't because of this great barrier that is the ocean. ARRRRRRRRRGH.
I bet if I were to really sit me down and make a list of what I could do if I stay back, those trifles on their own...once crammed together in a list, would give me enough reason not to go. Knowing this much, I haven't made a move to do so, instead I merely entertain the thoughts one at a time, as and when they come to me. I'm sure to others they appear as trifles. Things you can do away with; things you can live without. But it is those particular things that I live for every year and which makes secondary school life sweet. Especially friends. My irrational mind, driven by sentiments, leaves me grasping at straws, grasping to accept the reality that my parents and everyone have been trying to pound into me. That going to Aussie is better than staying back. Is it reality anymore then, or something else?
But of course, what I get out of Aussie depends on what I make of it. And I will make the best of my time there, to make every pocket-burning 3 RM to an AUD worth the while. I will come to enjoy PLC, I know so, just that now, my heart is feeling the painful wrench of someone who's not quite ready to leave.
Labels: Feelings
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